Left behind

A friend of mine attended a Pontifical Requiem Mass for the repose of the soul of Pope Francis Tuesday morning at Mount Angel Abbey. She texted me afterwards, saying that the service “was lovely” but also confessed, “I am surprised at how truly heavy my heart is over his death.” 

Her message – and my attempts to offer some comfort – are still on my mind days later. I have lost people that I loved and know some of the ins and outs of grief. I had texted back that I am trying to focus on Francis finally at his well-deserved rest and my gratitude for his living example of Christ’s teaching. And then she texted back, again confessing, “Yes, it is a very selfish emotion. He has what we all hope and long for, the hard part is being left ‘down here.’”

Since then I have moved through my days, often pausing to remember and re-experience that sense of being left behind. It seems worse to me this time. The stage is somehow larger than the one where I have had to live through my personal losses. What the whole world has lost this time is a single man whose experience of Jesus Christ has been poured out over the globe for a dozen years, mixed as it has been with praise, criticism and questions.

Right now, in the midst of discussions of his papacy, plans and hopes for the next conclave, and even betting odds on some of the supposed contenders, many of us are still coping with being left behind. Pope Francis did leave us well-prepared for his death. He left us words that encourage us to move forward. He left us a list of tasks we need to accomplish. He left us traces of the courage required to face criticism. He left us reminders of the importance of joy and laughter. He left us inspiring examples of the compassion he and Jesus shared for refugees, immigrants and all of the people we so quickly dismiss as aliens or strangers. He left us markers of his openness to other spiritual traditions at a time when too many around us are slamming shut ecumenical doors.

Yes, Francis left us well prepared, but my friend is right. Despite – or maybe because of -- all he left us, many of us are still feeling left behind. Grieving takes time. 

-- Nancy Haught